In the category of things I can give you a guarantee about –

After many, many extra billions of dollars spent on ObamaCare, I can guarantee you that hospital beds are not one bit more comfortable than they were in 2008.

If I were the IT person in charge of the programming that activated the “WE”RE GONNA GET NUKED” button in Hawaii, I can double dog guarantee you that when somebody hit that button, a pop up dialogue box would ask “Are you really sure you want to send a ‘WE’RE GONNA GET NUKED’ message to everybody in Hawaii? If you’re really sure hit the button a second time.” The first thought that comes to mind on this news item is, “dumber than whale poop.”