DON’T BURP ME BRO … DON’T BURP ME.

OK, I’ve got BIG news! A few nights ago I was kidnapped by space aliens. I was walking in the wooded area beside my property and I was surrounded by brilliant flashing lights of many colors. Then I heard this weird noise like, “Woo woo, woo, woo. I felt myself being pulled up into the flashing light. I kind of blacked out for a moment and when I came to my senses I was in a big room with glowing walls and I was surrounded by these little gray humanoids. They made these odd noises that I think was some kind of verbal communication which I could not understand at all

After a minute or so one of them pointed at me and I began to float through the air and into a large transparent restraint cell and I was hermetically sealed inside of it. In the cell with me were several smaller containers. Some contained water and others contained what I assumed to be food. There was also a small device that began speaking in an automated voice. The voice said I was being taken to the planet Tupper to be studied, but I would not be harmed. And then, it said I would be returned to Earth. When we arrived at Tupper they did all kinds of tests on me. Some were a little uncomfortable, but no more than getting a needle.

After what seemed like at least a day, I was once again hermetically sealed in my cell and transported back onto the space ship and brought back to Earth. I was released in the very spot from which I was taken. I hurried into the house and discovered I had been gone for exactly 48 hours. Thanks to the hermetic sealing, though, I felt remarkably fresh.

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