I read in the paper today that Kwanzaa is 50 years old. When you think about it that’s an amazing accomplishment. Kwanzaa is a totally made up holiday. There was no tradition upon which it was built. Somebody just decided that black people needed their own holiday, because, I suppose, celebrating the birth of the Son of the Living God was just not significant enough. So somebody came up with a fake holiday called Kwanzaa. This word is purported to mean something like “first fruits” in an African language. But, as I said, it’s all fake. And it has managed to survive for 50 years. That is amazing.
Thinking about it I was moved to consider a similar holiday for white people. The more I thought about it the better I liked the idea. I even came up with a name for the holiday. I’m calling it “Krakeranzaa.” That comes from mid-evil Polish meaning “Nutty white people.” This holiday espouses three principles – self reliance, self defense and self delusion. Now, even though this is a holiday for white people I want to be as diverse as possible. I’m sure all of you are aware that some people who consider themselves black are in fact partly white. The simple case is someone who has one white parent and one black parent. In that case the child is actually only half black even though they may legally consider themselves as a black person. If there are some people of mixed race who are partly white, I think that they should be allowed, if they desire, to consider themselves to be white and observe our new white holiday Krakeranzaa. However, it would not be right for those people to celebrate both Krakeranzaa and Kwanzaa. One or the other, but not both. Only seems fair.
There is another case for diversity. There was also the case of George Zimmerman who was described by our ever authoritative media as a “white Hispanic.” To be honest I don’t know what other kinds of Hispanics may exist. I didn’t know about white Hispanics existing until Zimmerman became the target of the lame-stream media. Are there black Hispanics? Asian Hispanics? In any case I think anyone who would be tagged by the media as a white Hispanic should be welcome to join in celebrating Krakeranzaa. And if there are any folks out there who would come under the media banner of “white Asians” they too should be welcome at any Krakeranzaa celebration.
So I’m calling on all you so-called “white” people out there to join in the annual celebration of Krakeranzaa during January 20 through January 23. Each of the first three nights we light one of the “self” candles and meditate on their true meaning and on the fourth day we blow out the candles. We bundle the candles together with a purple ribbon and say a short personalized benediction over them and then we bury them in the back yard. If you are all faithful Krakeranzaa may last 50 years, too. Or is Krakeranzaa too politically incorrect for your taste? How about it?